It was the early summer of 1991. This was my first year on the river. It was my first year on any river, really. I’d just learned the trucker’s hitch and it pleased me to know that my baby blue Dagger Caper was now unlikely to blow off my truck. Voluminous. A sweet tri-saddle. She was my first love. We spent the rest of that wet and wild summer together but sadly parted ways as the leaves changed color and I needed money for tuition. Summer love.
In the 20 years since, my life has been a pathetic revolving door of whitewater one-night stands. I hit rock bottom during the sleazy slicey boat days. I’d dump boats twice a season, flipping them for the next sexy thing draped across the racks in a paddling shop.
This was not that big a deal for kayakers, a kind of accepted behavior, just the way it was then. But for a canoeist and C1 paddler it was especially hard on my home life.
I’d bring home new boats and strip them naked right in the living room. The furniture was dusted in foam shavings, the air thick with the stench of contact cement and the coffee tables cluttered with empty whiskey bottles. My wife Tanya finally put her foot down, “Do your outfitting somewhere else. Even the bed sheets smell like epoxy.”
I now have a secret barn across the road where I can go and be alone with my boats.
If all my ex-boats got together at a party like the ex-girlfriends in romantic comedies (and every guy’s worst nightmare) the guest list would look something like this. If I’ve forgotten anyone, I’m sorry, it’s not that I didn’t love you:
Dagger Caper, Viper C1 squirt boat, Dagger Ocoee, Perception Pirouette S, Perception Whip-It, Dagger Quake, Wave Sport XXX, Pyranha Ina Zone, Liquidlogic Skip, Dagger G-Force 6.3, Liquidlogic Skip (different one), Wave Sport EZ, Esquif Canyon, Wave Sport Ace, Esquif Zoom, Wave Sport EZG, Evergreen Prospector 16, Wave Sport Project, Esquif Spark, Mad River Canoe Caption, and an Esquif Prospecteur 17.
And what would they talk about?
“He loved me most.” “I taught him to splitwheel.” “We spent that glorious weekend together on the Upper Yough.” “He dumped me for her? Yuck. Look how skinny she is.” “I didn’t let him treat me like that. I flipped his skinny ass out. I made him walk home.”
All true. Not even Owen Wilson would come out the end of this one smelling like a rose.
Looking back, each boat I’ve owned has a special place in my heart. Each one taught me something about the river and about myself. Some of these I still own. Others I wish I did.
And now, for all my river loves, I sing for you in my very best, suave Latin pop icon accent:
To all the boats I’ve tied to my roof // I hope this editorial is enough proof // You live within my heart // I’ll always be a part // Of all the boats I’ve loved before.
Scott MacGregor is the founder and publisher of Rapid. If you have one of his old boats please post a photo on www.facebook.com/rapid-magazine.
This article originally appeared in Rapid, Summer/Fall 2011. Download our free iPad/iPhone/iPod Touch App or Android App or read it here.
