Dream of capturing the photo of a lifetime? Use the recipe below to photograph a tundra wolf, barren-ground grizzly, caribou or muskox. Though not complicated, this recipe is time-consuming, requires risk and contains ingredients you likely do not have at home. Do not be discouraged—the results are fulfilling.
How to photograph a tundra wolf
Step 1
- Prepare to lose job—set aside
- Wring hands nervously for 3 weeks
- Once raw, ask boss for 2.5 months off work
Once complete, combine:
- Late nights and approximately 100 pounds of food dehydration
- Beat in sufficient hours of route, logistics and equipment planning (this will take longer than you think—plan accordingly)
- 1 ounce anxiety
- 1 large check to cover costs
Step 2
- Add a river of clean, unfiltered cold water (stirring continuously with wooden paddle)
- Stuff 16-foot canoe (preferably red) with all dried ingredients, camera gear and camping equipment
Mix in:
- 2 helpings solitude
- 1.3 million square kilometers wilderness
- 1 healthy dollop humility
- 1 tbsp laughter (Jovial brand is preferable to Maniacal)
- Sprinkle with birdsong and keep warm
In a large pot:
Whisk 1 large serving of bug bites until thick (include scabs)
Combine with mixture above and blend thoroughly
Stir in:
- 15 meals bannock
- 6 days upstream travel
- 8 days portaging (or until feet tender)
- 2 scoops rapids
- 1 tsp grated nerves
- A dash of fear
- Juice from one blister
- 1 extra helping freedom
- 2 doses exhilaration
Instructions
Slather with sunscreen and liberal amounts of bug dope. Place in equal parts sun, wind and rain (snow is not a reasonable substitute). Garnish with one canoeist rolled in a meadow of tundra flowers. Let set in the Arctic for seven weeks and voilà!
Preparation time:
- 4 months
Preheat:
- Until ice melts in Nunavut
Bake:
- 7 weeks on the tundra
Serves:
- 1 (forever)
This article was published in Issue 73 of Paddling Magazine. Serves one forever. | Feature photo: Tim Irvin
