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How To Irritate And Annoy The Happy Camper

man in woods with a fake moustache

The release of my book, The Happy Camper: The Essential Guide to Life Outdoors back in 2005 is what probably kicked it all off. Now my Facebook handle is @thehappycamper. My YouTube channel is KCHappyCamper. I’m introduced at public speaking engagements as The Happy Camper. For the most part being The Happy Camper is really great.

I’m Generally A Happy Person And The Happiest When Out In The Woods Camping

So the stage name makes sense, right? Except when I’m not happy. It’s true. I have a dark side that shows its demonic face now and then.

I’m not unhappy when I’m trudging up long, rocky and buggy portages. I’m not unhappy eating porridge for the fifth morning in a row. I don’t even mind being chased off lakes by lightning. These are unavoidable circumstances. These and the other elements of outdoor adventure like them are the challenges we enjoy overcoming and without these adversities we would not have as many fond memories.

What does make me an unhappy camper is when a campmate does something immoral. I’m sure I’m not alone here. Call these behavioural faux pas, pet peeves, personal vexations, disgruntlements or whatever. But here, in rough order of magnitude, are a few ways to piss off The Happy Camper.

Let’s Begin With The Mild Irritants

Having a paddling partner arrive late at the access point. Doing so without good reason or apology bumps this up a level. Not paying an equal share of trip costs. Not doing one’s fair share of camp chores. And at the top of this list, constantly complaining about the unalterable weather.

Then There’s The Moderately Annoying Tendencies

Which include, in no particular order: yelling “There’s a moose” and watching it run away before anyone can get a camera out; carrying less than me but complaining about the weight; constantly comparing gear choices and extolling the virtues of theirs over mine.

I’m also not a big fan of people sneaking into my supply of gummy worms and eating the Smarties from my stash. I don’t like it when someone borrows my toothbrush and doesn’t tell me about it until the last day. Or when you run out of toilet paper then use my supply, in outrageously generous amounts. Or when you critique how I run rapids, start fires, hang-the-food and make and clean up meals.

Going Poop Too Close To Camp Is Just Wrong

Not digging a deep enough hole is gross and lazy. Singing the same song over and over again is okay if you’re Johnny Van Zant of Lynyrd Skynyrd, otherwise annoying.

Why would you use a sharp metal knife to cut the cake I baked in my non-stick coated Outback Oven? And then there is showing off, getting hurt and whining about it while I have to take care of you.

The Absolute Worst

Worse than littering and blocking the put-in of a portage; worse than dog owners who don’t control their dogs; even more bothersome than having the camp cook not wash his hands—is being obsessed about completing the planned route sooner than expected.

It makes me a really, really unhappy camper being with a person who is determined to rush through a canoe trip that took us weeks to plan and sleepless nights wondering about route choices and gear options. With days, weeks and months spent waiting to escape from the crazed normality of day-to-day life, it makes no sense to race through the wilderness and finish a trip early. A seven-day canoe trip is a seven-day canoe trip. Why turn a seven-day trip into a five-day trip? So you can go back to the rat race you were trying to escape in the first place?

I’ll be sleep deprived and grumpy if you snore. I’ll become irritable if you drink all my whisky. But I’ll be the extremely unhappy camper if you shorten our time in the woods.

BONUS IRRITANT: SEEKING CELLULAR SERVICE INSTEAD OF CHATTING AND EATING S’MORES AROUND THE CAMPFIRE

Fat Biking and Packrafting On The Black River

Scott MacGregor
Scott MacGregor and Cam Dube pack their packrafts during a morning on the Noire River.

I arrive after dark on Friday evening to find Cam in his basement bike shop gear room making last minute adjustments to our menu. A leftover box of Halloween candy bars sits on his workbench beside mesh bags full of one pot Uncle Ben’s instant rice and foil wrapped strawberry Pop-Tarts.

I’m new to bikepacking. In fact, I haven’t even been backpacking since freshman year at university. I remember thinking even then that backpacking felt like a four-day-long portage.

I’ve just come off a multi-day river trip where three families shared two 120-liter coolers of food and a two-burner propane range lashed to raft frames. We’d grilled fresh steaks, baked cakes in cast iron Dutch ovens and the parents enjoyed tall-boys of local microbrews.

Cam handed me a mesh bag smaller than the lunch box I take to the office. He clearly misunderstood the look on my face, because he said, “I know, I packed us extra meals in case we have to spend another night.”

Realizing this was my food for the entire trip, I reached for the box of bite-sized Snickers and Mars bars and filled my pockets.

Cameron Dubé pitched a bikepacking packrafting story to Rapid. I’d just returned from a tradeshow where AIRE had revealed their new BAKraft Expedition packraft. Norco Bicycles had just sent out preproduction information on their new Ithaqua fatbike. And because my dad died in the spring, I’d gotten to only a few of the river trips on the list beside my bed. I needed an adventure.

Before any of the other editors could respond to Cam’s query, I wrote to tell him I was interested and that I’d source boats if he’d organize the food. I received a thumbs up emoji and one word: “Where?”

Muddy Waters 2

The criteria we set for the trip seemed reasonable. The whitewater couldn’t be lame. It also couldn’t be over the top hard either—we hadn’t test paddled or even inflated the boats. It also had to be real adventure. The idea of bobbing down and sleeping over on a popular run that could be shuttled in a Civic and knocked off in an afternoon seemed silly. Why bother with fat bikes and camping gear?

As autumn crept toward winter we added one more criteria. We had the same window that most other dudes with jobs have—Friday after work to Monday morning.

Hidden in the woods between Grant Settlement Road and the river right bank of the whitewater section of the Ottawa River there is a spider web of purpose-built singletrack mountain biking trails. Cam will say dozens of dedicated volunteers cleaned up trash, cut and shoveled sections of rocky and root-filled trails and donated sweet treats for bake sale fundraisers. Those of us who ride these trails know that Cam has been the driving force behind creating a local mountain bike scene in a farming and rafting town.

Cam and I have an hour to chat about the early days of the Beachburg Off Road Cycling Association while we drive from his home in Beachburg, Ontario to Rivière Noire on the Quebec side of the Ottawa River where we decided our weekend adventure would begin.

The Noire River is a staple weekend to seven-day whitewater canoe trip. Black Feather has been operating here since the 1980s.

Depending on the time of year, the Noire is roughly 240 kilometers of runnable class I-III wilderness river. The Noire is the lesser-known sister to the Coulonge and Dumoine rivers that Black Feather describes as, “The longest distance of runnable whitewater, the shortest distance that must be portaged, the best chance of seeing wildlife, and the smallest possibility of encountering other paddlers.”

Perfect.

We arrive at the Black River Inn where we park beside only one other car and begin unloading. John Perron wanders down to check out our fat bikes and collect the $20 fee for parking.

“As far as I know there is only one other group on the river. You’ll probably be the last until spring,” he tells us while the contents of my pickup truck get stuffed and strapped to our bikes.

The Black River Inn and the bridge we use to cross the river were built 100 years ago in the boom of the lumber industry that opened this entire region. The Inn looks abandoned, or at least like it’s taking a nap in the quiet time between canoe shuttles and the upcoming frenzy of deer hunting season.

Muddy Waters 3

Cam has his bike packing systems down to a science.

Serious bikepackers these days are doing away with the traditional rack and panniers system used for road touring in favor of keeping everything in-line. Bags are shaped to fill all the nooks and crannies created by the frame, handlebars and seat. Cam uses a custom-made frame bag lashed in the main triangle of the bike to stow all the heavy things.

“You want to keep as much weight as you can low and center on the bike,” he tells me. The bag swallows our one-burner propane stove, fuel canisters, cook set and his small bundle of food.

Beneath our seats hangs another 18 liters of storage we use for our sleep systems, which would normally hang across the front of the handlebars. Except on this trip that’s where we carry the packrafts. On the top tube at Cam’s handlebar stem is a snack pouch full of trick-or-treat candy bars. We shoulder daypacks to carry our PFDs and other odds and ends.

When it comes to paddling and biking gear, we realize some things have to work double duty. Our bike helmets will be fine as paddling helmets. Our sticky rubber bike shoes will make do as river shoes. Paddling jackets become riding shells. There isn’t room for both.

The logistics of the river trip are remarkably simple. Park at the take-out. Ride some 35 kilometers up the river. Paddle back to the truck. What we hadn’t considered is that roads are created as the shortest distance between two points. Rivers find the windiest route of least resistance. And bikes roll faster than kayaks can be paddled.

By lunchtime, and after three stops to pick up gear rattling off my bike, we nail our packing systems and are rocketing long gravel descents, popping off rollers, splashing through puddles and crawling over beaver dams like on any Saturday afternoon ride.

The whole fat bike bikepacking thing is relatively new. While the first Iditabike backcountry race in Alaska was way back in 1987, fat bikes lived in relative obscurity, like telemark skis and squirt boats, until 2010 when a couple boutique bike brands released complete models to mainstream bike shop distribution channels.

Finally in 2014, Specialized released their Fatboy. What was once thought a fad or niche was being picked up by the major bike manufacturers. That fall I jumped on Norco’s new Big Foot and declared “I will never buy a fat bike.”

Muddy Waters 4

The first fat bikes were heavy and pokey. The geometry was weird. I couldn’t have imagined riding two kilometers of singletrack let alone 1,000 miles through frigid God’s country, Alaska. Cam on the other hand, was an early adopter.

“I just found the fat bike to be the perfect all-round mountain and, year-round bike,” he tells me. “If I want to race there are fat bike categories. I can be fast on trail rides. And if I want to go on adventures like this I can do it all on one bike.”

Granted, technology has come a long way in the last few years. The new Norco Ithaqua is a full carbon-fiber 26-pound fat bike, as is Cam’s Fatboy. Cam also has carbon wheels on his, which drops his fat bike to about the same weight as most cross country race bikes. Fat bikes are now, dare I say, sexy.

I was too busy with deadlines so I left the route planning all to Cam.

He figured if we kept the river on our right-hand side we couldn’t get lost. Whatever trails we use will eventually feed into a main logging road that crosses another bridge over the Noire. Once on the river, we will paddle until we come to the bridge at the Black River Inn. Seemed reasonable.

The original plan was to ride one day and paddle back the next. We arrive at the put-in mid-afternoon and are excited to try the boats, so decide to put on the river. It was a good thing we did.

I didn’t know Cam hadn’t packed a map until we began inflating the boats and disassembling our bikes.

“So, how far is it back down to the truck?” I ask.

He said he couldn’t remember the exact number of river miles, “But it’s all downhill.”

I smile and squeeze another bag of air into the boat.

To keep the pack weight to a minimum, AIRE’s storage bag comes with a hose and doubles as an inflater. Fill the bag with air and squeeze it through the hose into the raft. It’s a clever but tedious system. Cam and I decide on the next trip we’ll pack a small hand pump, in which we’ll also store the repair kit, bike tools and spare parts.

All told, in less than an hour we completely change sports and shove off from our sandbar and spend the last couple hours of daylight munching on Snickers bars meandering past beachy sandbars and log jams left by the last spring flood.

“How much further do you think we should go today?” I ask Cam for the second or third time as we float past another exotic white sandbar

“We can probably stop anytime,” he says.

Without a map, he really doesn’t know. And I really don’t care. We are enjoying the trip and only have to set out our sleeping bags and boil water for our one-pot dinners. And so we shrug at each other and keep paddling.

Hap Wilson’s book, Rivers of the Upper Ottawa Valley, is the go-to river guide for the Dumoine, Coulonge and Noire rivers. Wilson’s hand-drawn maps have inspired and guided thousand of canoeists down these rivers. Originally published in 1993, Wilson’s guide predates the new logging road and bridge now at his Rapid #43, the access point we used to begin our trip. Even if we’d brought his book we wouldn’t really know how high up the river we started.

As the warmth of the afternoon sun dips below the autumn trees, we scrub the bows of our packrafts on the sand and reach for our wooly hats and puffy down sweaters.

One thing I learn about bikepacking and packrafting is that it doesn’t take long for meals.

Cam has an Excel spreadsheet charting the caloric value of food to weight ratio. When you’re winter endurance racing it is about lots of calories fast to stay warm while carrying as little as possible. Dinnertime goes something like this: Boil water. Pour water into bags and seal. Put bags of boiling food in inside jacket pockets like Ziploc hot water bottles. Enjoy warmth for three to five minutes until ready to serve.

After pasta we build a fire with bits of driftwood we find on the beach. The stars are out and it is dark by 6:30 p.m.

We guess we traveled five or six of the estimated 40 kilometers and we’ll soon catch up to the faster moving water and rapids that make the Noire such a popular whitewater run.

Soon after the Second World War inflatable packable rafts used as survival equipment in airplanes began to appear in army surplus stores. Legend has it that in 1952, Dick and Isabelle Griffith did the first recorded whitewater packraft river run when they descended Copper Canyon in Mexico.

Sixty-five years later, packrafting seems like it’s the new big thing. Companies like Alpacka, Kokapelli and AIRE all making whitewater-specific lightweight inflatables that you can carry up rivers and paddle back down.

Packrafts fall into two categories. Ones you’d take into whitewater and ones you wouldn’t, or at least shouldn’t. While materials continue to improve, there will always be a compromise between weight savings, durability and size.

In the morning, Cam and I rig our boats like we would whitewater rafts—we rig to flip. The wheels off and stacked on the bike frames, we strap everything down tightly and independently of the bags below. We move our seats one loop more forward and lash a dry bag at our feet to better level the trim. Typically in packrafts the bikes would be laying across the bow over top of our legs. We are happy to have opted for AIRE’s new 10-foot-long BAKraft Expedition. The extra room to put the bikes behind us makes for easier paddling and seeing our lines down the rapids ahead.

We approach each set like early explorers traveling in Kermit the Frog-green space-age crafts. We boat scout everything we can see from the river. We stretch our legs and look at what we’d later learn were 50:50 Rapids, Manitou Rapids and Rapid #46, the slightly more technical class IIIs.

After the first few rapids we had all but forgotten about being in packrafts. If we didn’t once in a while bump our elbows on pedals and crank arms, we’d forget about the bikes too. We run the river like in any other kayak looking for the fun deep tongue lines and eddies along the way.

We’d been paddling a solid seven hours when it starts to get dark. The fading light isn’t enough for us to distinguish deep water from the shallow pillows in the boogie water swifts.

“How much abrasion do you think these floors will take,” I shout over to Cam. We are both scrubbed up on the rocks hidden just below the inky surface. I feel like we are kids at a birthday party knocking around balloons, our parents waiting for them to pop but never they do.

Three hours after dark, and two hours after I’d told my wife I’d be back home, we round another lazy bend and can see what would be the lights of the Black River Inn. Two hours ago we made satellite phone calls home. We’d inventoried our food that included two Clif bars, a half bag of hot cereal and four mini Snickers between us. Enough for a late dinner and breakfast, or so we said on the phone.

When we arrive at the crumbling concrete steps below the timber frame bridge of the Black River Inn, the light rain that has been falling turns to snow. We wet and melt the frozen cam straps holding our bikes in place. We are surely the last travelers down the Noire for the year and likely the first self-supported fat bike packraft trip the river has ever seen.

In silence we deflate and roll our boats. We assemble and load the bikes on the racks. And then crawl into the cab of the warm truck for the ride home.

“Well, that was super fun. We should do more of those,” I say finally as the truck tires roll from gravel to the tarmac two-lane secondary highway.

Cam gives me a real thumbs-up and asks, “Where?”

Scott MacGregor is the founder and publisher of Rapid. He lives in the Ottawa Valley with his wife, two children and his new carbon-fiber fat bike. 

7 Essential Items For Kayak Road Trips

7 Essential Items For Kayak Road Trips
7 Essential Items For Kayak Road Trips

Sometimes the best trips happen on a whim. Get home from work Friday afternoon. Pack your car and head out on the open road. Long days on the water do not always require an isolated overnight campsite. Park, open the car doors and unpack these seven items for a weekend to remember.

1. SEA TO SUMMIT 90L DUFFLE BAG

$159.95 | www.seatosummitusa.com

I am a duffle bag groupie. This Duffle Bag is no exception. Sea to Summit’s Duffle Bag comes in three colors and four sizes from 45 to 130 liters. Sea To Summit clearly took time thinking about how most of us adventure with our bags. The shoulder straps can be configured in a classic style, as a backpack, shoulder sling or as lash-downs. Impressed yet? Anyone who uses a duffle in their travels knows that having handles drop down into snow, puddles or mud is a pain in the ass. Not any more—magnets have been sewn into the strap handles. They simply snap together. With a reinforced bottom and top, the 90L Sea to Summit Duffle Bag is ready for everything. Waterproofing used in the bag’s robust material does not extend to the dual-zipper—so keep it out of more than 12 inches of water and you will be fine.

2. GSI PINNACLE SOLOIST COMPLETE

$89.95 | www.gsioutdoors.com

The Pinnacle Soloist Complete is the answer to your attempts at mix-and-match camp cooking setups. Step one: Open the box. Step two: add any size of isobutene fuel canister to the included Pinnacle Canister Stove. Step three: attach the standard windscreen. Step four: place the 1.1-liter pot on top. Step five: with 9,600 BTUs pumping out, you’ll be eating or drinking something hot from the nesting bowl in no time. My Soloist collapsible pot and straining lid has held up to substantial abuse for years and is still going strong. This nesting pot accommodates the insulated bowl, micro stove, spork and a fuel canister up to 220 grams. The waterproof containment stuff sack doubles as a bailer and a washbasin.

3. HYDRO FLASK 12 OZ. FOOD FLASK

$29.95 | www.hydroflask.com

Imagine your day starting with coffee and breakfast. Then boiling water for a dehydrated lunch

and arriving back in the evening for a dinner. I get it—it’s not hard to imagine because you probably do it often—but imagine you ate it all out of the same container. Hydro Flask has spent the last eight years focused on perfecting temperature control. Its double-walled construction extends to the lid for keeping your cold beverages cold and your soup or coffee piping hot for hours. Compact and easy to open, the durable finish is ready for any length of adventure. Available in three colors, the 12-ounce version is BPA and Phthalate free and is constructed from 18/8 pro-grade steel.

4. THERM-A-REST SLACKER HAMMOCK PAD AND HAMMOCK HOUSE

$159.95 / $259.95 | www.thermarest.com

Therm-a-rest has packaged up the appeal of an integrated three-pound hammock, bug-net and tarp all in one. The Slacker Hammock House has two webbed suspenders to make for easy installation. Included are four stakes and attached cord tensioners. The setup is versatile—starry night in June and the three options for the bug-net will keep you protected and gazing up. Have one or two friends on trip? Tension up the rain fly and you have a cover from any weather. Throw in the Slacker Hammock Pad and you will have a night you won’t remember. The Slacker Hammock Pad a self-inflating mattress specifically designed for the Slacker and to fit two in the Slacker Double. The patented AirFrame construction provides almost two inches of loft and comfortable insulation for three-season use while allowing for maximum compressibility. The stuff sack can be packed during hammock pad use to elevate the knees or as a pillow. The baffled edges of the pad flare to 26 inches in the middle and provide extra support in the sides of the hammock. The days of your sleeping pad ending up beside you at night are over.

5. VSSL FIRST AID

$66.50 | www.vsslgear.com

I am a certified Wilderness First Responder. We train to respond to emergencies with whatever there is on hand. For $66 I can buy enough supplies to stabilize a catatonic patient, in shock with a compound inferior fracture—and then drive them a few hours to the hospital. Enough left for coffee on the way? I digress. The VSSL First Aid is not designed for severe medical emergencies. I must say it packs those 66 bucks into a very impressive 14 ounces. The 200-lumen flashlight lasts 40 hours, with three AAA batteries included and butt-ends the compass on either side of the First Aid canister. At night you can use the compass by simply unscrewing the flashlight cap or vice versa and illuminating your path and the needle. The emergency contents inside the two-inch by nine-inch iodized aluminum tube are more than enough for most minor day-trip incidents. The VSSL First Aid’s innovative design and versatile function will make for easy inclusion in my day bag.

6. THULE SLIPSTREAM

$499.95 | www.thule.com

Call me lazy but as the years tick by I am constantly looking to be more efficient with my body. If I start now, maybe I will still be able to paddle and have a use for the Thule Slipstream in 30 years. The simple design allows for easy loading and unloading of any style of kayak under 75 pounds—pretty much anything other than a fishing kayak. The roller extends out to protect the back of your car and is capable of supporting over 50 percent of the kayak’s weight. Four saddles pivot to accommodate your stable day-tripper or surfski. Using the Thule Slipstream is really as simple as lifting and sliding your kayak into place. At only 22 inches wide the Slipstream is narrow enough to accommodate two carriers on any standard roof rack. Remember to strap the kayak to the roof racks themselves and not just to the Slipstream frame. The Thule Strap Kit also includes tensioners for bow and stern. Total load time on first try? Three minutes. Scratches left on my car? None.

7. KOKATAT POSEIDON PFD

$165 | www.kokatat.com

Looking at the front-zip Poseidon you may think it’s overkill for a weekend or day trip. That said, if you want to spend your valuable time focused on exploring and paddling, allow me to expound. The unisex design starts with a great fit and is available in three sizes. Now the fun part—customization of the Poseidon PFD extends from front to back. Couple it with accessories from the Kokatat Poseidon Expedition Kit. Store a day’s worth of snacks in the front along with a first aid kit and cellphone. On the back clip the 1.5-liter Hydrapak on the back for a sleek fit and easy access to your water. Rest assured the Kokatat Poseidon PFD will eliminate the need for most excess gear to roll around unsecured. This isn’t overkill. It will carry everything you need for a weekend paddle.

Kayak Review: Pyranha Machno

What do you get when you take a little bit of the 9R and combine it with the Shiva? | PHOTOS: HANNAH GRIFFIN

I’m looking forward to telling you what I think of the new Machno from Pyranha. But first I’d like to invite you to take a brief pop quiz. What is the Machno named after? Is it a) a merger of mach no (short for number) indicating it has super sonic speed and is a machine of superior ability? Or is it answer b) Machno Carwyn—regarded by some as the best show jumping pony in Europe, and perhaps the world? Or lastly, could it be c) a tributary of the fabled Fairy Glen that was the spawning grounds of this new river running machine? Before you commit to an answer, read on.

Pyranha Machno
Size Medium
Length 8ft 8 in
Volume 308 L
Cockpit 35.6 in x 19.5 in
Weight 47 lbs
Weight range 132-220 lbs
pyranha.com

I’ve tested some of Pyranha’s other river running boats, including a few editions of the Burn with its playful hull, precise edges and the long, narrow and race-ready 9R. I was curious as to where the Machno would fit in Pyranha’s lineup.

“The Machno is a river running creeker that replaces the Shiva building on a few design cues from the 9R and Shiva,” says designer Robert Peerson. From the Shiva it takes its softer edges, round side walls and high volume. Pyranha incorporated some of the extreme rocker of the 9R bow to the Machno’s bow and stern for a dry ride that is meant to keep you on top and moving over features.

Cockpit of blue kayak
The Machno’s 35.6” x 19.5” cockpit is outfitted with Stout 2 Outfitting and includes a new thigh brace compatible with optional hooker attachment | Photo: Hannah Griffin

Pyranha’s Machno is available in medium and large sizes. The medium we tested is 8’8”, about six inches longer than a medium Burn III and with 10 gallons more volume. Compared to a 9R it has a bit more volume but is three inches shorter. Peerson explains they’ve designed the Machno with a wide and mostly flat semi-planing hull, with soft rails and highly rockered ends. So what does this mean on the water? Predictability and confidence.

The Machno is kitted out with Pyranha’s second generation Stout system, including robust, adjustable thigh grips, oversized, deep fill padded hip pads and an add on thigh hook that gives additional outside thigh support. If you need more inner thigh hook you can rotate the thigh brace to accomplish this, a feature Pyranha added to serve a wider range of paddler sizes. It is simple and effective and feels solid all around.

Slipping into the boat and looking at the bow I immediately noticed a few things. It’s not a stubby little nub like a playboat but also not so far away you couldn’t see it without binoculars. It’s always a tradeoff between speed and maneuverability. Long goes fast, but doesn’t turn. Short turns but doesn’t go fast. I think Pyranha hit the mark perfectly for a Class IV/V river runner.

Front of blue kayak
A wide and mostly flat semi-planing hull, soft rails and highly rockered ends. Notice the molded wave deflector. | Photo: Hannah Griffin.

While not as fast as its 9R racing sibling, it has more than enough get-up-and-go to zip around the river with confidence. In high water, on pushy spring sections of the Petawawa River I could hold my line well but was still able to quickly change course when needed thanks to the highly rockered bow. The rocker effectively shortens the boat and gives me the spinning and turning ability I want when navigating those tighter creeks.

I also love the ease in which I could move around the river. When boats get a bit too long it can make ferries challenging as once you lose your angle it’s impossible to get it back. The Machno was easy to control, its angles ensuring I ended up where I wanted to. I was also able to use the semi-planning hull to catch small features and surf across the river without losing any ground.

The Machno is a very stable boat when sitting flat and it’s not the kind of design you need to tilt over very far to tap into its carving ability. The Machno has soft rails along the edges of the boat so don’t expect aggressive hard carves like in a playboat. Instead I found nice, smooth eddy turns that were quite predictable. The edges aren’t grabby which means less chance of catching on chaotic currents or tripping over rocks. Both are features I appreciate on my river runners.

Handle on blue kayak
Peaked decks on the Machno are designed to shed water, allowing you to resurface quickly in burly water and after a drop. | Photo: Hannah Griffin.

The Machno also does a fine job of dealing with large waves and holes. Where some boats excel at punching through, the Machno seems to glide up and over and keeps the water from ending up in your face. The rocker certainly plays its part in this but so do the wave deflectors. Located in the bow, Pyranha claims they help generate lift to get through features and help deflect spray away from the paddler.

[ Paddling Buyer’s Guide: See all Pyranha kayaks ]

The Machno includes an inline bow handle, which I find more comfortable for dragging and carrying along the river. The peaked decks shed water, keeping you upright and allowing quicker resurfacing after drops. A sleek, smooth feel along the cockpit means it’s easy to pull  hard fast strokes without catching any bumps or humps in the plastic. This is not something I’ve thought about before but came to appreciate while paddling the Machno. “We try to keep the cockpit as straight as possible to ensure a good seal with the skirt. The more bends the rim makes the more opportunity water has to come in,” explains Peerson.

Let’s return to our quiz. If you picked c)—and you should always pick c)—you nailed it. Although I’d still accept the other two answers because the Machno is also a fast, high performance machine that can jump over obstacles with elegance and grace. If you’re a paddler looking for a boat that can handle steeper and bigger runs or something that doesn’t punish you for little mistakes, then the Machno is your answer.



This article originally appeared in Rapid
Early Summer 2017 issue.

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Canoeing The Broken Skull River

Photo and video by Caleb Roberts.
Two groups of canoes paddling the broken skull river.

This film by Caleb Roberts shows the beauty of the Broken Skull River in the Northwest Territories of Canada.

In Caleb’s own words, “Class 5 scenery with days of class fun whitewater is how I would describe this river. Breathtaking landscapes with beautiful water weaving through it.

“Nááts’ihch’oh National Park Reserve is home of this river and many others. But in my biased opinion, this is the gem.”

The Broken Skull River – NWT from Caleb Roberts on Vimeo.

Moose Hunting In The Yukon From A Canoe

Inspired by the memory of good friend Andrew Brose, Aaron Hitchins and Will O’Brien take to the Yukon wilderness in pursuit of Moose, Arctic Grayling, and adventure.

Flying in upstream of dangerous whitewater, without a guide, they find themselves up against harsh elements and unknown circumstances. Lacking the capabilities to do it on their own, they must rely on each other to succeed, and survive.

Read the full story here, and watch the film below.

Why All Paddlers Feel Like Imposters

Photo by Alyssa Lloyd
A woman paddling a canoe in an overgrown forest.

Successful individuals unable to consciously assimilate their accomplishments, live in constant fear of being found out as a fraud. This condition is so common that as far back as 1978 clinical psychologists describe these over-achieving employees as suffering from “imposter syndrome.”

Before working as Canoeroots’ assistant editor, I was a grungy freelancer living out of the bed of my pickup truck. Driving from one boat launch to the next, chasing every angling and outdoors story I could find. Just me and my truck White Lighting, a canoe and fishing gear.

Now you must be thinking, if I truly believe in imposter syndrome, I must be a fraud. Hang on there—I hear that enough from myself. While my life on the road appeared glamorous to others, I knew it was just a string of bad food choices and mishaps. Again, stop putting words in my mouth, I’m not saying it was awful. There was just room for improvement—and curtains.

According to Forbes, “Apart from serial narcissists, super low achievers and outright crazies, no one is immune to the self-doubt that feeds imposter syndrome.” What matters according to Forbes, is not whether we occasionally fear failing or looking foolish, it’s whether we give these fears the power to keep us from taking the actions needed to achieve our goals.

Guilty.

This state of mind has driven me to the brink of uselessness. Paralyzed by self-doubt, I find myself unable to think up an original thought for

this column.

Now you probably expect me to transition into a transcendental wilderness adventure in the backcountry that recently changed my outlook on all of this right? Wrong.

But since you brought it up, my latest backcountry trek was a couple weeks ago. A good friend and I decided to cart a canoe into an alpine lake loaded with all of our camping and fishing gear.

Two missed alarms, a one-hour trek up the wrong trail and another threehour trek down the right trail and we weren’t even close. But we knew the brook trout were on the highly elevated horizon, so we pushed on.

After several fallen trees we gave up trying to find paths around and either went through the branchy strainers or lifted the canoe over. A few respectable bruises and scratches later, we at last made it to the crest where gravity would be on our side.

The trees were puny, like that of the tundra, the vista views spectacular and spirits were just as high as we started a small, albeit steep descent to the lakeshore. More trees had fallen. We didn’t know it at the time, but this was a blessing. We started unloading the canoe getting ready for another lift over a spirally dead evergreen’s undergrowth. My friend, a good foot taller than me, got a quick glance ahead at the lake.

“Alyssa,” he said precariously. “We may want to take a walk down first.”

Ice.

The entire lake aside from a thin strip where the sun beats on the farthest shoreline was sprawling white ice.

If anything, this backcountry excursion that finally settled my utter loathing for the all too often excuse used to soften failed attempts, “It’s all about the journey, man.”

Much like that frozen alpine lake however, I know I will not live in this consolidated state of paralysis forever.

How To Get The Hardest Whitewater Shot Ever

Photos and video my Michael Clark and Red Bull
A man repelling off of a cliff side taking a picture of a waterfall

How do you get the hardest whitewater shot ever? Easy, you just repel down a cliffside, use a flash that’s 800-times brighter than an Iphone and have one of the best whitewater paddlers go off a massive waterfall over and over. Ok…not easy at all. But that is exactly what Michael Clark and Rafa Ortiz did to some of the most unique whitewater camera shots ever.

Check out how they did it in the video below:

The Birth Of A Dugout Canoe

Photo and video by Northmen
A hand using a chisel to dig out a canoe.

Having the newest and most technologically advanced canoe is really cool. But, nothing is cooler that having a canoe that you carved yourself out of a tree trunk. 

Watch this short film by Northmen on the birth of a dugout canoe. It will make you want to go cut down a tree and carve out your next paddecraft.

The Birth Of A Dugout Canoe by Northmen from Northmen on Vimeo.

 

Kajak Sport Components Deck Pod

All paddlers are looking for a safe, dry place to put their phone and other pocket items. Kayak Sport Components of Finlad have created a solution that doesn’t require drilling holes in your kayak.

The Kayak Sport Components Deck Pod is a watertight pod for all kinds of touring boats. All you need to do is put your valuables in the pod and tighten it under the bungees of your kayak. The shape of the pod is made to perfectly fit securely under the bungess

For more information, check out the video below: