The Yuk Yuk Man

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February 1, 2015

It wasn’t the shoddy khaki safari suit he was wearing. It wasn’t the matching knock-off Tilley hat. It might have been the rude sexual remarks he made about his wife. What really confirmed this guy was an idiot though, was the laugh he gave when I suggested he join my canoe tripping skills workshop.

“Yuk, yuk, yuk,” he crowed. It was a demeaning chuckle. “Why bother taking your silly course, hot-shot? I already know how to camp.”

Meeting this joker outside a wilderness park’s interpretive center was unsettling; I’ve seen far too many cocky paddlers get into trouble in the woods. In fact, I’d been asked here to provide a skills building workshop due to an increased number of paddlers lost, injured and even killed while in the backcountry. The encounter left me with a bad feeling.

When I arrived at my campsite in the local campground, I was looking forward to some time to prep for the event the next day. That didn’t happen. I heard the unmistakable and grating yuk, yuk, yuk cackle the moment I pulled into my site and cracked the car door.

As soon as I stepped out of the car he recognized me. He strutted over with a six-pack of Pabst and a folding lawn chair.

As I set up camp he began telling me about what a great camper he was. Master of the elements, as he told it. I was in for a horrid night. When he wasn’t belittling his wife, he spun tales of outlandish and impossible accomplishments, and drank all of his beer, then mine.

I snuck out of camp before sunrise for my workshop. Nine novice campers were looking to advance their skills before their first backcountry canoe trip. The course covered packing, portaging and cooking, and most importantly, we discussed wilderness safety.

Butt End: The Yuk Yuk Man | Illustration: Lorenzo del Bianco

While my participants gained insight and new skills, at the end of the day I wondered if I had reached the proper audience. Humble and cautious trippers willing to ask for advice are less likely to find themselves in trouble. In my experience, the cocky ones are more likely to need rescuing.

I was mulling this over shortly after leaving the workshop when I came across emergency service vehicles blocking the two-lane highway.

I stopped my car. Off to my right, EMS workers were pulling my neighbor out of a lake.

The Yuk Yuk Man was going to be fine. The paramedics told me that the same man who didn’t think he needed some silly course on canoe tripping went for a paddle on a windy day, without a PFD or bailer. He capsized in the cold water and the rescue crew was treating the master of the elements for hypothermia.

I wasn’t surprised that his know-it-all attitude ended in disaster. Arrogance can be a deadly trait in the wilderness.

Screen Shot 2015 03 18 at 10.45.19 AM This article first appeared in the Spring 2015 issue of Canoeroots and Family Camping magazine.

Subscribe to Paddling Magazine and get 25 years of digital magazine archives including our legacy titles: Rapid, Adventure Kayak and Canoeroots.

How To Become A Real River Legend

By

Scott MacGregor

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February 1, 2015

There seem to be two ways of becoming a legend around rivers. The first is the easiest. It requires absolutely no planning and no thought. In most of these cases, the act of thinking stands in the way of creating the circumstances required to generate legendary status. Let me give you an example.

Algonquin fishing guide Frank Kuiack kneels and cleans fish at a campsite with canoe in background

The Legend Of Frank Kuiack: Algonquin’s Last Traditional Fishing Guide

How to become a real river legend

The Ottawa River rafting companies use trailers to return their rafts from the take-out back to the put-in. Deflating and re-blowing the boats, the guides complained, took too long. Guides used to see how high they could stack the rafts. There was a macho pride in riding the tallest trailer load of boats.

But there are telephone wires across Grants Settlement Road.

The guy who, at 50 miles per hour, was knocked from the first compartment of the top raft and landed in the back compartment, is a local legend—not to mention lucky to be alive.

The easy way to become a legend is through utter stupidity brought about by laziness, foolishness, or booze. Often all of the above.

The easy way to become a legend is through utter stupidity brought about by laziness, foolishness, or booze. The hard way is by doing something for a long time. | Feature photo: Ryan Creary

Becoming a legend the hard way

As we were preparing this issue of Rapid, an old friend of mine patted me on the back and said, “I can’t believe you’ve been at this little magazine business of yours for 17 years.”

This was his way of saying, “Good for you,” or maybe, “I didn’t think you’d make it this far.” To which I replied, “Well, you know, if you stick with something long enough, you end up doing something for a long time.”

The local legends featured in this issue have become legends the hard way—by doing something for a long time.

We Salute Six Local Legends Of Whitewater Communities From Around The World

If helicopter pilot Jim Reed had only flown one group of paddlers out of the Stikine he would not be featured in this issue. If Christie Cochran had taken the geology job she wouldn’t have been guiding on the rivers of the Southeast for 17 years. And Brad Camden hasn’t been running shuttles on California’s North Fork of the Smith for 29 years because it pays well.

These local legends have been doing it for a long time because they like it and because they are good at it. They are good at it because they care about people—they care about us. Because they care about us they become part of what makes our river travel so special. Local legends become part of our memories and those memories become part of who we are.

“Local legends become part of what makes our river travel so special.”

Brian Shields and I have outfitted the last seven of my canoes, which shouldn’t come as a surprise—he’s outfitted almost all the canoes around here. I’m quite capable of outfitting my own boats, but spending time with Brian is a big part of buying a new canoe. Brian is thoughtful. Wise. Kind. Precise. Passionate. Retired. He’s a romantic. He’s nostalgic. He’s the kind of guy you like telling your friends about when they ask about your beautiful ash gunwales.

[ Paddling Buyer’s Guide: View all canoes ]

The busier our lives become—the more we type at each other with our thumbs, the more we buy from Amazon—the more we appreciate real people, people who care about us and people who stick with something long enough to end up doing it for a long time.

Scott MacGregor is the founder and publisher of Rapid. He is not, for the record, the raft guide clotheslined in this story.

Cover of the Spring 2015 issue of Rapid magazine This article was first published in the Spring 2015 issue of Rapid Magazine. Subscribe to Paddling Magazine’s print and digital editions, or browse the archives.

The easy way to become a legend is through utter stupidity brought about by laziness, foolishness, or booze. The hard way is by doing something for a long time. | Feature photo: Ryan Creary

Totem: Keeping Around Old Gear

Stories

By

Paddling Magazine Staff

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February 1, 2015

Photo: Emma Drudge — Totem: Keeping Around Old Gear

When I started my first job as a river guide, I had no equipment of my own. Other than a couple short canoe trips at summer camp, I hadn’t spent much time on the water. So it was with great confu- sion I read the following pre-season email, sent out to all first-year staff:

As you budget for the summer, bear in mind there is some gear you will want for your job. You WILL be in cold water. We can supply you with a paddle, PFD, helmet and wetsuit. Said gear will be entirely safe and functional, but be forewarned: you will look like a dork. You will have no sex appeal. All our staff inevitably invest in their own equipment.

More broke than fashion conscious, I arrived ready to wear whatever they gave me. The first thing I noticed was the color. Angular pink patches cut through a blue body so faded it looked more like acid- wash grey. The stiff, thick neoprene made me walk with straighter-than-normal knees—the fabric pulling my joints into alignment with the suit’s pre-cut shape that when dry, looked like it may be freestanding.

BREAKING THE BANK

A few years later I blew my river guide salary on a hot new drysuit and technical layering system well worth breaking the bank.

Drysuit donned, I outfitted newbie interns in their own well-worn neoprene. I was cozy during an early-season rescue course. I stayed bone dry as I taught new staff how to swim effectively in whitewater. I was warm. I was comfortable. I looked like I knew what I was doing.

There were good reasons I replaced ol’ faithful: too many consecutive river days resulted in an irritating itch. The faded fabric’s pores, rife with sun-dried urine, caused an odor that ripened when wet despite years of valiant laundering attempts. I even tried a cocktail of every home cleaning product I could get my hands on—the only result was a rash.

But my blue and pink polygon suit was never tossed to the curb.

Somewhere in the depths of a Rubbermaid storage bin, I hoard this relic of paddling days gone by. It gets pulled from retirement from time to time to enrobe a rightfully self-conscious first-time paddler friend; more often I just flip past it as I reach for my replacements. But like listening to any old song, seeing it there takes me back to another place and time.

I’ve never paddled as many days in a year as I did those first few summers. They were endless river days. Nights were spent under the stars on shore, around a campfire surrounded by friends with a similar lack of responsibility and urge to play. I fell asleep to the roar of rushing water. More than a piece of gear, it’s a memory of the places and people who helped shape the person I’ve become. And that is something you don’t throw away.

Emma Drudge is the editor of Rapid magazine. She looks forward to letters from readers who still rock these suits.

This article first appeared in the Spring 2015 issue of Rapid Magazine. For more great content, subscribe to Rapid’s print and digital editions here.

Butt End: Carry On Glamping

Stories

By

Kevin Callan

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January 30, 2015

Photo: Kevin Callan — Kevin Callan tried Glamping.

Imagine waking up to the smell of a cinnamon-spiced double latte, rolling over in your silk-lined sleeping bag and browsing through the latest issue of The New Yorker while organic gingerbread waffles with drunken strawberry and vanilla bean compote await you on a bamboo-linen table cloth outside your tent. Who wouldn’t want that on their next canoe trip?

It’s been labeled “glamping”—short for glamorous camping. Dating back to the African safaris, it is now more like Club Med in the boonies. Celebrities such as Kate Moss and Sienna Miller have popularized glamping in the U.K. and the U.S. and it’s now a hot commodity in Canada, which is why Global News, Breakfast TV, Canada AM and CBC all asked me to help promote it.

Is glamping camping? Well, I claimed it was on national television and boy, did I stir the pot.

Avid campers logged onto my blog, Facebook and Twitter accounts filling my e-mail inbox. They blasted me for stating that sleeping in a posh tent and having dark chocolate truffles placed on an eiderdown pillow in the morning was a true act of camping out.

So, why did I go out on a limb and promote wearing cashmere socks and packing miniature iPod chargers?

It came down to simple mathematics. I want a percentage of glampers to one day try real camping, where you portage your own canoe and pluck the blackflies out of your own Chardonnay. I learned long ago that it’s best to grab hold of any type of camping fad and use it to introduce non-campers to sleeping in the wilderness.

Let’s be honest, a good majority of glampers would never give real camping a try if it wasn’t for first trying it in comfort. Let plaid jackets be replaced by pink Wellington boots—whatever turns them on, as long as they get outdoors.

Canadian tourism representatives state that glamping increased outdoor excursions this year by 12 per cent. That’s a lot of new happy campers enjoying the serenity of nature— even if they are having their sleeping bags fluffed while doing so.

If a small percentage of glamorously chic campers, like Reese Witherspoon, actually go out and get dirty someday, and tweet to their thousands of followers about canoe tripping in Boundary Waters, imagine the wilderness areas we can save with an advocacy group that strong and mighty!

This article first appeared in the 2009 Early Summer issue of Canoeroots and Family Camping magazine. Read the issue in our free iPad/iPhone/iPod Touch App or Android App or read it online here.

Delta Kayaks’ Redesigned 15.5 GT

Gear

By

Delta Kayaks

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January 30, 2015

Delta Kayaks, Canadian Manufacturer of Premium Thermoformed Kayaks, raises the bar in the Sea Kayak Touring category with its launch of the newly redesigned Delta 15.5GT.

Delta Kayaks’ Redesigned 15.5 GT

Delta’s 15.5 has been the flagship of their Touring line since its inception in 2006. Its stability and carrying capacity have offered worry free paddling for many and loads of storage for longer trips. In the past the Delta 15.5 was coined by many as the minivan of their line and now the minivan has received a stunning redesign.

“It’s always a daunting task to redesign a model that has done so well for us,” said Stuart Mounsey, designer at Delta Kayaks. “There are thousands of paddlers that count themselves as proud owners of a 15.5 so designing a 2nd generation 15.5GT has to take into consideration the potential we see in the category, but also the expectations of existing owners that might like to upgrade to the new 2015 version. After test paddling it, we are positive that we’ve not only met, but exceeded all of our goals.”

At 15’6” in length and 24 inches wide, the 2015 Delta 15.5GT comes loaded with proprietary features that have proven to be well received on Delta’s other kayak models and have now become standards in our designs. The new Delta 15.5GT features a slightly narrower width by 1/2 an inch, a refined v-shaped hull offering better tracking and foot positioning on the foot pedals, 3 gear hatches with Press-Lock hatch covers and curved bulkheads, a front deck day hatch, second generation Contour Seat System and is much lighter at 49lbs (weight is calculated with rudder and all outfitting).

The team at Delta Kayaks says the new 15.5GT should appeal to a wider audience with all of the upgrades in features and performance. The new design has an improved secondary surface for bracing, edging and maneuvering combined with a longer waterline and slightly less rocker providing a much better hull speed and tracking than its predecessor. They are confident that the new 15.5GT will set the mark for all sub 17 foot sea/touring kayaks on the market.

Delta Kayaks 15.5 GT Details

V-Shaped hull with moderate chine and upswept bow provides an optimal blend of speed and stability for great performance and a dryer ride
Thermoformed ABS construction provides high abrasion and impact-resistance coupled with superior UV protection so your kayak looks like new for many years.
Designed with simplicity in mind Delta’s lightweight, multi-position Contour Seat System provides excellent back support, quick adjustment and optimal comfort in a user friendly design.
Delta’s proprietary indexing system allows the seat to travel forward and back 4” for a custom fit under the thigh braces and to help trim your kayak if needed
New low-profile front day hatch is within easy reach, and 2 main dry storage areas sealed with rigid bulkheads provide ample space for your gear
Delta’s proprietary ‘Press-Lock’ hatch covers create a watertight seal with a specially designed gasket that envelops the rim of the hatch with an easy push
Padded integrated thigh braces improve control and overall comfort
Delta’s integrated rescue system combines bungee cord, perimeter line and paddle recess aft of the cockpit to help make paddle float re-entry quicker and easier.
Raised bungee lines provide a quick and easy place to secure your paddle blade at the bow and a convenient place to secure your spare paddle at the stern
Deck fittings are recessed and hatches flush-mounted for a sleek look and no-snag design.
Channel-mounted and individually tubed rudder lines ensure a smooth and kink-free operation
The Delta 15.5GT with rudder features ergonomic, retractable dual-density grab handles that are easy on the hands
Made in Canada

On sale Spring 2015 at Delta Kayak dealers, the Delta 15.5GT comes in all four 2015 Delta colours: Red, Sunset Orange, Lime Green and White.

About Delta Kayaks Ltd.

Delta Kayaks is a family owned business with over 30 years of thermoforming expertise mixed with advanced paddlesport knowledge. From the outset, our intent was to simply build the “best” thermoformed kayaks we could build right here in North America. Through innovation and design we have created a complete line of outstanding kayaks that will appeal to paddling enthusiasts of every age and level. From the super shine of the Solarkote® finish to the full complement of deck rigging, multi-position seat systems and long waterlines, our commitment to quality and value is evident in every kayak we build. For more information visit www.deltakayaks.com

Cute & Catalytic: Sea Otters

Stories

By

Neil Schulman

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January 30, 2015

Photo: ©istockphoto/wellesenterprises — Cute & Catalytic: Sea Otters

In 2009, a lone sea otter appeared on the Oregon Coast, where they’d been extinct since 1906. It floated twenty yards from the Whale Watching Center in Depoe Bay for a few days, and then vanished.

Unfortunately for marine biologists, tourists, and several species of kelp, the otter wasn’t an advance scout for a larger population seeking new real estate. Single otters often venture far from their home range and then return. The visitor was probably from the Northern California population.

Sea otters are adorable. They float on their backs cracking crabs and sea urchins to the delight of wildlife watchers. But these furballs are also agents of massive change. By their presence or absence, otters send ecological shock waves through coastal ecosystems. As sea otters rebound from nearly being hunted into extinction, these changes are gathering steam…

Neil Schulman is a paddler, conservationist and regular contributor to Adventure Kayak magazine. Continue reading his insightful look at sea otter ecology on the Panama Jack blog.

From The Gallery: Slovenian Sunrise

By

Paddling Magazine Staff

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January 29, 2015

Soca Valley, Slovenia. Photo: Anze Osterman — From The Gallery: Slovenian Sunrise

“I have never seen a dog so attached to a human as Hal is to my friend Rok,” says photographer Anze Osterman, who caught this sunrise birdwatching shot on a whitewater trip in the Soca Valley.

See this photo in print here.

The Masochist’s Guide To Portaging

By

Kevin Callan

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January 28, 2015

A truly laborious portage isn’t characterized by steepness of grade or total length. It’s what blocks your way that defines how punishing it will be. If the portage has a sign indicating that a maintenance crew gives it a visit now and then, you can’t complain. If you need a compass to guess the line of sight and there’s only a rusty beer can or a strip of discolored flagging tape marking the starting point, then you’ve got every right to curse.

person carrying paddles along a mossy portage trail with shoes wrapped in duct tape

Why The Portage Trail Connects Canoeists To The Past

The masochist’s guide to portaging

Though I’ve had my share of nasty portages, I met my nemesis in the Diablo portage on the Steel River—a good example of a bad bushwhack. Moss, rocks, rotting logs, branches and knee-high dead trees cover the ground obscuring holes, stumps and other boot-snagging hazards.

The route becomes almost vertical at one point—I knew I’d reached this section when the bow of the canoe continuously rammed the trail in front of me. With forward motion impossible, I resorted to winching the canoe uphill by looping a rope around a tree.

“Anyone who says they like portaging is either a liar or crazy.” —Bill Mason | Feature photo: Tim Irvin

Staggering down an unmarked trail, littered with giant jagged boulders and fallen trees followed. A network of well-hidden crevices only sweetened the deal. By the time the portage was complete I was relieved that the only casualty was my face—I’d kissed the earth and had the canoe come crashing down on my forehead.

Portaging will never be enjoyable; it’s the sweet moment of spotting the sparkle of shimmering water in the distance that makes the abuse we endure worth it. But these tips, earned through years of blood, sweat and a few tears, might help you grin and bear it.

6 tips for a (relatively) painless portage

1 Suit up

Forget Bermuda shorts and tank tops. Wear long layers to protect exposed skin that will otherwise be ripped apart by gnarly branches and gorged on by bloodthirsty mosquitoes. When you’re overheated and dripping, don’t curse your sweat suit, instead give thanks for your suit of invincibility.

2 Fall with dignity

Slippery rocks and exposed roots may induce unbalanced teetering, inevitably resulting in a crashing of flesh, packs, canoe and expletives. Don’t expect sympathy unless the canoe makes a bang when it hits bone. Try to channel the stoicism of Spock as you stand up, dust yourself off and carry on. A true paddler won’t judge you anyway—not unless you turtle.

3 Your canoe is a weapon

Think of your canoe as a 50-pound ram. When bushwhacking your way to the next lake with only the odd piece of flagging tape to guide you, don’t be afraid to part the vegetation with violence. If you’ve tried to slam through the overgrowth only to be thrown back by the strength of the branches, try a running start. Your trip mates will appreciate the path you create for them. (Not recommended for Kevlar models.)

paddlers carrying gear on a portage trail

Paddlers’ Rules About Portage Trail Etiquette

4 There are no heroes

There are no extra points for making the portage in one go. However, there are demerit points if you can’t find your way back to your gear.

5 Perfect your dance

With at least one hand occupied by the canoe in the balancing act of the portage, you’re a slow-moving, non-swatting meal for hungry insect life. Incorporate a little shimmy in your step to dissuade the locals and keep them guessing.

6 Don’t look back

With an upper body carting 16 extra feet in length, there are very few situations that warrant turning around.

Kevin Callan’s Butt End column is published in each issue of Canoeroots.

Cover of 2015 Paddling Buyer's Guide This article was first published in the 2015 Paddling Buyer’s Guide. Subscribe to Paddling Magazine’s print and digital editions, or browse the archives.

“Anyone who says they like portaging is either a liar or crazy.” —Bill Mason | Feature photo: Tim Irvin

NRS Flux Drytop

Gear

By

Paddling Magazine Staff

-

January 27, 2015

This old favorite has been rereleased with new colors and the same breathability we know and love—no sweat-soaked inner layers with this one. The fabric is soft to the touch to reduce friction and boost comfort when paddling.

We like the Flux’s lightness and adjustability. Tabs at the wrist dial in fit, while the neck has a punch-through neoprene cuff so your hair won’t get caught in moving parts. The neoprene has an inner coating to reduce chafing against your skin.

A pull-tab tightens the inner tunnel to reduce bulk against your body and the grippy outer tube bonds with your skirt to stay in place.

www.nrs.com | $324.95

Click here for more dry top reviews in the free online edition of Rapid, Summer/Fall 2014.

This article originally appeared in Rapid, Early Summer 2014. Read the entire issue on your desktop, Apple or Android device.

What’s In Expedition Grandma’s Kayak Kit

By

Kaydi Pyette

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January 23, 2015

How do you pack for a yearlong, transcontinental kayak trip that involves stepping from backcountry to boardroom en route?

“Well, I don’t travel light,” says Dr. Deb Walters, 63, a retired cognitive scientist and university vice president. The grandmother of four is several months into her 2,500-mile solo expedition, paddling from Maine to Guatemala for charity.

Struck by the families living in poverty in Guatemala City’s garbage dump on a trip a decade ago, she began volunteering with Safe Passage, a non-profit that sends local children to school in an area devestated by poverty. Making presentations to schools and potential donors along her route south has already brought her more than halfway to her goal of $150,000.

What’s In Expedition Grandma’s Kayak Kit?

Walters built her 18 foot, 75 pound wooden kayak 16 years ago but never paddled it after trouble getting the hatches watertight. Instead, it sat in her barn, a cozy den for porcupines. Chesapeake Light Craft, manufacturers of the kit, helped her get the kayak expedition ready. By using recycled materials found around their shop, Chesapeake’s designer customized the cockpit to fit Walters and made modifications specific for this trip, including moving bulkheads, adding hatches and reinforcing the structure with carbon fiber and fiberglass. “We’re a good team,” Walters says of her and her boat.
Allowing Walters to stay in touch with her family and send daily social media updates is her MacBook and DeLorme InReach Explorer. Her favourite feature of the Explorer is that it automatically updates her route every 10 minutes, making it easy for strangers to surprise her at the end of the day with a hot meal or for fellow paddlers to join her for an afternoon on the water.
Though Walters loves her freestanding Hilleberg Staika tent, she hasn’t had to use it very often when paddling near urban areas. “Strangers are putting me up in luxury,” she says. “This is the first expedition on which I’m gaining weight.”
Walters carries up to a week’s worth of food at a time, most of it homemade dehydrated snacks, including turkey pepperoni and spinach chips. Her favourite meal? “It’s a weird one – instant mash potatoes with lemon olive oil, drizzled with a dark chocolate balsamic vinegar.” At capacity, her food and gear weight 160 pounds.
With presentations to make in schools and fundraisers to attend along her route, Walters also had to pack a city outfit, housed in its own dry bag, so it doesn’t take on the stink of her wet neoprene.

“It’s a hammock – lots of people ask what it is,” says Walters. Along the coasts of Florida and Belize the mangrove forest will prevent her from finding land to set up the tent. “I just tie my hammock up in the top of the mangroves and tie up my kayak as well, and while the tide goes up and down I have a wonderful sleep in the trees.”
“The children in Guatemala thought I would be lonely on my trip so they gave me a rubber duck,” says Walters. Dubbed Patito Amistosos (Friendly Duckie), the squeaky totem stays in the pocket of her PFD. An occasional star in Walters’ blog entries, Patito is a timid alter ego to Walters’ positivity and confidence. “Whenever I talk with a boater they always tell me how the next portion of my journey will be the most terrifying section – I hear about disasters and ships running aground – If I listened to them I’d be scared the whole time, like Patito. Just a little concern keeps me alert and on my toes though.”

This article first appeared in the 2015 Paddling Buyer’s Guide. Subscribe to Paddling Magazine and get 25 years of digital magazine archives including our legacy titles: Rapid, Adventure Kayak and Canoeroots.