My wife enjoys kayaking, but not as much as I do. She approaches the activity with moderation, whereas I’m consumed by it. She’s a fair weather paddler, disdaining bigger mileage days and lumpy conditions. And so, inevitably, I tend to do my longer, more ambitious trips without her.
This always results in the same dynamic. When I return from a trip, be it a weekend or a month, and tell her that I’ve missed her greatly, she never believes me. Despite my protestations, she remains certain that I had such a great time without her that I never thought of her once. Not once did I even pause to consider how incredibly lucky I was that she deigned to be with me at all. Never mind that I called or emailed at every opportunity. No amount of cajoling or assurance can shake her conviction that she ceased to exist for me the second I walked out the door. That is, of course, until I finally returned home to find some vaguely familiar woman in my house, who I then remembered was my wife.
In her version of events, I arrive home without a proper greeting, drape stinking paddling gear throughout the house, ask immediately what’s for dinner and expect sex on demand.
She knows only too well that I am a cad. I have committed the gravest sin of all. I have had fun without her. Worse still, I have done it for a sustained period of time. (The fact that she didn’t really want to come on the trip, and wouldn’t have enjoyed it anyway, is immaterial.) I am a selfish, thoughtless bastard. But she is far too classy to come right out and say so. Instead she will give me subtle hints to remind me of my transgression in the coming days, weeks, months and years.
But now I have hit upon a simple and highly effective strategy for promoting domestic bliss after returning from a paddling trip without my sweetie. A few simple steps can neutralize her you-never-even-thought-of-me-did-you-you-callous-slob-my-mother-was-right-I-never-should-have-married-you sentiments.
While the following strategies do require a small amount of effort and forethought, the payoff is so significant that they must be incorporated into any trip you do without your significant other. If applied correctly, these tips will not only mollify your partner; they will actually win you brownie points.
Here’s the secret: Document yourself missing your partner.
The best way to accomplish this is via photos. It’s easy. Build a little sign out of beach debris that says “X loves y” (inserting your names where applicable) and take a photo of it. Write your names in the sand (adding a heart with an arrow is always good) and snap a couple of photos of that. Take pictures of yourself miming a message of love to your spouse. Get your paddling buddies to each hold up a por- tion of a sign with a message just for him or her. find a heart-shaped stone, photograph it, and bring it back as a keepsake.
That’s all there is to it. Indisputable documentary evidence is the cornerstone to your assertion that you missed your sweetheart in the moment. you will be amazed how this photographic proof of your devotion and longing can offset even a lengthy absence. And the invest- ment of your time is negligible: 15 or 20 minutes every few days is all that it requires. Just don’t take all the photos in a row. Spouses are way too smart for that. Digital cameras record date and time. Spread the evidence out over days to prove that you were thinking of them early and often.
Just in case you’re thinking that this is just a cheap device to get off the hook for a long absence, think again. The coolest part of this strategy is that it works both ways. Once you get on board, you’ll find yourself trying to come up with more and better ideas of how to miss your partner and how to create memorable images that you can bring back and share. Pretty soon you’ll be thinking of them more often than ever. And you really will miss them if you didn’t already.
I may be cheeky now and again, but I’m no cad. And I’m definitely not insincere. I love my wife and I miss her when I’m away. So I make the effort to let her know just how much. And that’s always the right thing to do. even if she doesn’t believe me.
This article first appeared in the Summer/Fall 2009 issue of Adventure Kayak Magazine. For more great content, subscribe to Adventure Kayak’s print and digital editions here.
