It’s a lazy morning at home, and I’m planning a day trip. My wife is meeting one of her friends for shopping and coffee. Perfect! I’m cleared for paddling, as long as I’m back in time for dinner.
“Honey,” I call, “I’m just heading out for a paddle. I’m not sure when I’ll be back. It might be a long day.”
I start tossing gear into my duffel, throwing in my tent, sleeping bag, mattress, pillow, a novel, cookies, sandwiches and a thermos of hot chocolate.
Her brow knits as I continue to stuff in my PFD, spray skirt, fleece and jacket.
“Aren’t you taking an awful lot for a day trip?”
“Well, you can’t be too sure,” I say. “If I did get into nasty conditions, having camping gear would give me a huge safety advantage. I could wait things out until it was safe to proceed, even over- night. It would be foolhardy to take less. Having enough food is key too.” I hold her gaze steadily as I slip a large box of Turkish delight into the duffel.
She gives me a peck on the cheek. “I’m glad that you’re so safety conscious, sweetie.”
And just like that, I’m on my way.
What no one knows is that I’m not really going paddling, per se. I’m actually off to practice a revolutionary new take on kayak touring. It’s my own innovation that I call nautical napping.
AN INTRODUCTION TO NAUTICAL NAPPING
Here’s how nautical napping works: you head out for a day paddle. Since you’ll spend many hours out of the house, folks at home will naturally assume that you’re off being gnarly and adventurous, cranking out mile after mile. What nobody suspects is that you really only paddle for about an hour, heading to a favourite secluded spot.
Once at your site, you set up your tent, get out your sleeping bag, mattress and book, and burrow into your nest. Lie there soaking up the sounds of the shoreline. Eat a few bonbons and have a sip of hot chocolate. Sprawl out, hogging every inch of the bed, wiggle your toes and luxuriate.
Now, the key component of the nautical napping relaxation system: open your book and start reading until your eyelids become too heavy to hold open. And then—drop off to sleep. Fantastic!
It’s that simple—anyone can travel across water to breathtakingly beautiful locations, and fall asleep there. And this is all possible for just pennies per outing.
BEST DONE SOLO
I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying to yourself, “hey, I live in a city. Where can I go nautical napping?” The potential sites are many. You don’t have to limit yourself to areas that permit overnight camping, since you’ll only be there for a few hours. Any quiet spot by the water is perfect. Waterfront public parks in the city are prime locations. And nautical napping isn’t fair-weather dependent either; rainy days are ideal.
You may also be asking yourself, “Am I qualified to nap nautically?”
Friend, if you have a kayak and enjoy sleeping as much as I do, then the answer is yes! It’s child’s play—you’ll sleep like a baby.
Maybe you are worried about what people will think. But nobody will ever know—if you don’t tell them. You may even gain a psychological edge by leveraging their guilt.
Your spouse may feel sheepish if he or she has lazed around all day like some reprehensible sloth while you spent an active day outside. Get into the habit of being casually reticent and vague about the specifics of your journeys. People will start to assume you are just modest about your exploits and give up pressing you for details.
One thing to bear in mind is that nautical napping is best done solo for ultimate relaxation. You don’t want even a hint of anybody else’s agenda or schedule.
Once you get the hang of it, you can customize your nap- ping experience by bringing along extra comfort items, such as a teddy bear, your lucky pajama top, or an MP3 player with all the music that you aren’t allowed to play at home (Iron Butterfly, The Partridge Family, Wagner’s Ring Cycle).
When you awake from your nautical nap, pack up and head home refreshed. You can be confident that any telltale signs of drool will be mistaken for sea salt and that the pillow marks on your face will fade long before you walk through the door.
Alex Matthews is a passionate kayaker and has fallen asleep all over the world. If you happen to meet Alex in the field, please don’t wake him up.
This article first appeared in the Summer 2007 issue of Adventure Kayak Magazine. For more great content, subscribe to Adventure Kayak’s print and digital editions here.
